Steve’s Mystery Song Reviews

Fellow Stereo Control writer Michael offered me up these ten songs for our Mystery review week.  Let’s hope they don’t suck, like I assume they will.

1. Mystery Song 1 – (Electric Light Orchestra – “Do Ya”) It’s “Do Ya” by ELO.  Awesome song.  Michael, it’s supposed to be mystery songs, not “guess the song by the second chord.”

2. Mystery Song 2 – (fun. – “Take Your Time (Coming Home)”) This song starts off with some nonsense syllables being repeated.  Oh wait, I recognize that voice.  It’s either The Format or fun.  Sounds like a typical song of his [Nate Ruess], with the instruments fading out, then coming back in the middle of the song.  It’s not bad.

3. Mystery Song 3 – (George Harrison – “My Sweet Lord”) At first, I thought this was Wilco, then I realized that this song is in no way good enough to be Wilco.  It’s honestly a little boring, and the unimaginative guitar track does nothing for me either.

4. Mystery Song 4 – (Semino Rossi – “Ave Maria en el Morro”) Continuing with the theme from the last song, I’m bored.  The only difference now is that I want to fall asleep.  Also, I’m pretty sure this song is in Italian.  It might be Andrea Bocelli?

5. Mystery Song 5 – (The Mars Volta – “Viscera Eyes”) A very quiet, electronic track that slowly gets louder.  This song sounds like Linkin Park, but then it actually gets pretty good about 40 seconds in.  It reminds me of An Endless Sporadic until the vocals.  Now I feel like it’s from an Anime. Mike, what the hell?

6. Mystery Song 6 – (Faith No More – “Be Aggressive”) Okay, this sounds like it’s Avenged Sevenfold or from Diablo.  No wait, now it kind of makes me think of Alice Cooper.  What the crap?  It sounds like captured slave children are being forced to spell and be cheerleaders.  It’s like Bring It On meets A7X plus blowjobs.

7. Mystery Song 7 – (Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons – “Will You Love Me Tomorrow”) This song starts off pretty slowly, and then I realize it seems like someone added a bass line to an old Doo Wop song.  Surprisingly, it’s not too awful.

8. Mystery Song 8 – (Secret Chiefs 3 –“Bare-Faced Bazi”) I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be vocals or farting.  What the dicks?  I wish I had more hands, so I could give this song four thumbs down.

9. Mystery Song 9 – (Sixpence None the Richer – “Kiss Me”) Sixpence None The Richer – “Kiss Me.” Got it within a second.  Believe it or not, I like this song.  I’m a sucker for ’90s music.  Also, apparently, they’re a Christian band, they’re still playing together, and they released a new album this year. Wow.

10. Mystery Song 10 – (Botch – “O Fortuna”) Okay, time for the last song.  Let’s see what we have here… A nice bass line, a slow crescendo and drum rolls, this could be good.  No wait, there’s only screaming.  Damnit, this had such potential.  Now it’s just a sucky barrelful of suck.

Afterward: [Editor’s note: Steve never wrote an afterward, nor did he technically write an introduction.  He should feel bad.  Also, he should feel way worse for not knowing “My Sweet Lord,” AND for thinking it’s boring.  Yet, he knows and likes Sixpence None the Richer.  I believe Michael wins this round.]


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