Nicholas’ Mystery Song Reviews

Well, ten mystery songs, labeled only by number, were sent to me by co-Stereo Controller Kristen.  So now I shall listen and jot down my thoughts on the super shitty (I’m sure of it) songs she has chosen for me to review.  Shall we begin?

1. Mystery Song 1 – (Green Day – “Emenius Sleepus”)  I have no Idea what song this is, but I can tell this is Green Day.  The nasally voice of the singer was a dead give away, as well as the incredible 1-4-5 song structure.  So what is Green Day even considered?  Pop-punk?  Ass?  I guess this song is okay.  It is nothing I would ever put on voluntarily, but it’s decent, I guess.  Something tweens can cream all over.

2. Mystery Song 2 – (Green Day – “One For The Razorbacks”) Okay, more Green Day.  Funny Kristen.  As much as I hate this, this song is a little bit better than the last one.  It seems to have a little more energy.  Wow, it even has a guitar solo.  I didn’t know they knew anything beyond the power chord.  This song sucks though.

3. Mystery Song 3 – (Green Day – “One Of My Lies”) Okay, I see what she is fucking doing.  It’s all going to be Green Day.  HAR HAR HAR.  I don’t even know how to review this one differently than the last one.  It has a simple melody and nasally vocals.  Verse, chorus, verse, chorus.  The singer wants to get real high.

4. Mystery Song 4 – (Green Day – “Who Wrote Holden Caulfield?”)  This Green Day song sounds totally different from the last three.  It doesn’t follow the same formula.  There are some interesting jazzy beats.  A guitar lead reminiscent of Iron Maiden.  Bluesy sounding vocals.  Slap and funk bass grooves.  Just kidding — it sounds like Green Day.

5. Mystery Song 5 – (Green Day – “409 In Your Coffee Maker”)  A tiny bit more raw of a sound this time around.  Is this from an older album perhaps?  Is this from when Green Day was still true Pop-punk?  The song isn’t bad, per se, if you’re into this kind of thing, which, if you are, I imagine you are a fifteen-year old female.  So it has some verse and some choruses about some stuff.  Really how the fuck am I supposed to review five more of their Goddamn songs?

6. Mystery Song 6 – (Green Day – “Burnout”)  This one actually sounds familiar.  Either it was a hit or it just reminds me of the last five (probably the latter).  The melody is little bit catchier than the previous songs.  This is just bringing me back to 8th grade.  I don’t like Green Day.

7. Mystery Song 7 – (Green Day – “Deadbeat Holiday”)  “Wake up/the house is on fire” is the opening line of this song.  I am restating what the opening line is to fill up some space here.  So far, this one I enjoy the most.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s like saying I’d rather be punched in the face once as opposed to twice.

8. Mystery Song 8 – (Green Day – “Knowledge”)  With a weird opening, no joke, this time it sounds like they are going for some type of Southern Blues sound.  Too bad it’s Green Day, and they fail miserably at it in every single aspect.  THIS IS MAKING ME WANT TO STICK NEEDLES DEEP INTO MY EAR DRUMS.

9. Mystery Song 9 – (Green Day – “Green Day”)  Almost done.  You know what?  I’m just gonna take a pass this time.

10. Mystery Song 10 (Green Day – “King For A Day”)  Nice little horn intro, which almost made this a good song.  Then the vocals started and ruined everything.  This one had potential to be something decent.  Again, it’s Green Day so they just failed at their little experiment.  The horn parts when the stuffy singer is absent are pretty cool, but he pops back in to remind you that they suck.

In conclusion, I hate Kristen and will slash her tires for this one.

Afterward:  Upon learning the song titles, nothing changed — it’s still all Green Day songs, and I’m going to poison Kristen’s coffee for making me listen to ten of their songs in a row.

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